I have been told time and time again that I'm not girlfriend material, but I always brushed it off because to each his own. I know that there are some who think I'm totally girlfriend material to the point where I am like the physical manifestation of lace. But what makes one girlfriend material? So I started asking my male friends, which are mostly Chinese-Indonesian, so what you're about to read are prerequisites for Chinese-Indonesian men in their early 20's, and doesn't pertain to other races or cultures. You know, in case any of you rage in the comment section saying I'm totally biased and stereotyping the male species in general. Also, these are all internal factors. I'm putting religion, age, height and race totally aside.
Let's get to it:
Be dependent yet independent enough
Don't be clingy, they all said, but still be clingy enough to make the man feel needed. The idea of an independent woman who 'don't need no man' is an abomination to the existence of women, apparently. Due to human nature, males need a companion and one that inherently is a companion. Not a woman who can make do by herself. Not a woman who wears the pants all the time. But a damsel in distress so the man can feel like a knight in shining armor, whisking you away into the sunset.
Someone he would take home to introduce to his parents
"Someone my parents would respect," a friend said, "so she has to be modest, respectable, and loyal." Many boys are momma's boys, so if she doesn't like you then forget about it. It's going to be a hell of a relationship full of sneaking out and lying. So be wary of how you dress and behave in public. I mean, you can be a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets but doesn't mean his mother has to know.
Be emotionally mature
"They have to be loyal and levelheaded meaning they don't get mad or insecure easily. Someone smart and amiable." So basically all the girls that whine and demand things on the spot lest they march off the opposite direction in their black Tori Burch flats will have to change the attitude. Because emotional maturity is a very fine quality in a woman, especially if he's looking for a long-term partner. Another friend also added that girls have to know what's serious and what isn't. To have a good division between occasional immaturity and maturity, and to be able to switch back and forth when the situation demands it.
Be funny and witty...to a certain extent
"Guys are supposed to make girls laugh," another friend said. Girls who are independently funny and make their own jokes are seen as slightly manlier because humor is often associated with men. Why do you think Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are so revered? They're like a couple of rare birds. We all watch them with binoculars waiting for their next joke. He's not saying girls shouldn't be funny, in fact he encourages it. But if a girl is funnier than the guy, then he says it's a bit unsettling. However another friend of mine thinks otherwise. He wants a witty girl. So to each his own.
Be smart but not smarter than him
A man likes to feel in charge, so being more intelligent than him might make him feel emasculated. Again, another friend actually want smart girls. So this one is 50-50, I guess. Although I've heard the former more often. Most of my male friends in the same age group prefer girls who aren't as smart as they are. Sometimes even opting for airheads just because they're easier to handle than strongly opinionated women who are argumentative and hard-headed. Which is me. Hello, men, I shall fight you to the death with my excellent (albeit vexing) debating skills.
Be incredibly caring
One of my friends told me that one of the best characteristics of Asian women is the incredible care that they give their boyfriends. Like the bring-him-soup-immediately-after-he-texts-he's-sick kind of caring. The genuine care for your boyfriend's well-being is an admirable (and expected) trait. I think most Asians, boys and girls are more inclined to keep their partner's welfare because I don't know any other culture that encourages the question of, "kamu udah makan belom?" which is, "have you eaten yet?" and then then go ape shit when their boyfriend or girlfriend hasn't had lunch or dinner. "Nanti sakit loh!"
Be submissive
Again, an Asian trait that is apparently incredibly attractive. "You have to be able to control her," said my friend's married brother. I know he doesn't mean that he has the right to be a total dictator in the relationship, but that he should be the one that makes the final decisions most of the time and isn't overridden by the woman. At the end of the day, the girl should still be able to think for herself but still be pliable enough for the man to 'control' her. "We want to be the dominant one in the relationship, like how the hell are we going to do that with a stubborn-ass girl?" Ah, the perks of living in a patriarchal society.
To all ye promiscuous girls who embrace your sexuality in an unapologetic manner, you are off the list! Most Chinese-Indonesian men prefer women with a good reputation who treat their own bodies like a temple, not a brothel. So if you're a virgin, you're pretty much up there on the list of Marriage Material already. Like my sister's friend said, "I've blacklisted any girl who's been used."Purity
With all that said, not every male I asked agreed to this list. I asked them about girlfriend material traits and I compiled the most common denominator, which resulted in the aforementioned list. Some guys said they treat girls like equals, but I realized that the men who want intelligent, independent or opinionated girls are my Western or very Western-influenced friends. While my more Chinese-Indonesian friends want what's listed above.
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