Hot Topic: Why Getting Ready For a First Date is Exhausting

Going on a first date is like plunging into the deep end of the pool without a floatie or a bathing suit. You're going headfirst into the evening with a nice glass of white wine or beer, engulfing yourself in the other person's presence. It's not like dipping your toes to test the waters, no, you already dipped your toes when you were having brief and somewhat flirty texts prior to the date. This date is make or break. Which is why for a girl, the hours leading up the the date is basically similar to Gordon Ramsay's Hell's Kitchen. A lot of running around, sweating, panting, and anxiety, sans the sporadic shouts of, "YES CHEF!" 

Let's get to it:

1. The Stalking Game 

Admit it, you've checked his Facebook profile from his birth up to his most recent post about football or whatever. You've seen his awkward high school phase and you're thanking God that he got rid of that awful hairdo. You know where he went to school, where he grew up, the name of his dog, the name of his grandma and the name of his grandma's cousin's dog's puppy. You have stalked him so hard that you feel like you know him already, which will make the first date conversation awkward because you'll have to ask him questions you already know the answers to. 

2. Stalking The Ex Game

Depending on how infatuated you are with him, you're probably going to go through his pictures and see some photos of him with his arm around the same girl...500 times. Yes, this must be it. The dreaded ex-girlfriend. So you click on her profile and scope her out. Ah, so this is the type of girl he likes.

3. The "What do you think?" Questionnare

By this point, you've already done enough research about him and know that he looks decent enough to show to your friends. So you save a couple of pictures on your phone and broadcast them to your friends to see their response. Obviously your friends won't blatantly tell you if he looks like a sewer rat (or maybe they will), but you know the cues anyway. "He's pretty cute," means "he's only a mustache away from looking like Borat, please stay away." 

 4. Finding the right clothes

This is an extremely crucial process. Since you don't know what kind of style he likes on girls, you don't know what to wear. I mean, I want to wear my leather jacket but what if he hates girls with leather jackets? I want to wear my high heels but what if he thinks girls in heels are a turn off? What do I wear? So in the end I usually just pick something safe. A nice plain dress. I'll save the edgy grunge outfits for another day. Today is all about first impressions.

5. Makeup

You've probably watched dozens of makeup tutorials just for today. From the First Date Makeup Look all the way to the Sexy Red Lips look. Again, you don't know what he likes. He might like the whole pin-up girl look, but he might not. So you opt for the No Makeup Makeup look just because it's better to be safe than sorry.

6. Perfume

If you're anything like me, you don't wear perfume. But this is a special occasion and you want your scent to linger on his jacket until the next morning so he will wake up smelling like he just made love to a very cheap hooker. Lingering perfume is basically the intangible manifestation of a yellow sticky note that says, "Remember last night? Wasn't it great? Call me,"  So you choose a perfume that's sweet, just because you want him to think that you always smell like frangipani even though in the mornings you smell like week-old potato salad.

7. Arriving on time...or fashionably late?

You can do two things: be creepily on time and be 'that girl', or be fashionably late and make an entrance and be the other 'that girl'. If you're on time, then it'll seem like you're over eager and that you've revolved your day around this date (which you have, don't lie). However, if you're fashionably late, you'll seem nonchalant and aloof, but it might come across as irresponsible and sloppy. So take your pick. Either be the overeager dater or the irresponsible dater. Both are equally as bad. I usually arrive around 5 minutes after the established time even though I've already been there like 20 minutes before because I am the overeager dater.