Hot Topic: Skinny-Shaming

Ah, the skinny vs. fat debacle. Pretty much a lifelong contention for us girls. Fatties argue that real women have curves, and skinnies say that being fat is unhealthy. Now, don’t chastise me for saying the word ‘fatty’ just because it’s ‘offensive’. For the purposes of this article, the group of women I label as ‘fatties’ and ‘skinnies’ will be up to you because I know that if I limit fatties to upwards of a size 14 and skinnies to everything below a size 6, I might get a lot of heat. Everyone has a different perception of what fat and skinny is, so I’m going to leave it up to you. Also, if you still think using the word fatty is offensive then why don't you get all apeshit about me using the word skinnies? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Let's get to it:

I have been blessed with amazing metabolism from my mother, which allows me to eat anything and not gain a single pound. Sure my stomach will look and feel bloated, but that’ll pass in an hour. Ever since I was young, I would always notice my rotund friends, and then back at my chicken arms and legs, and shrug. I guess some people were born differently, I thought. Fast forward to today, where my current weight is probably as much as an emaciated African child.

By being on the other end of the spectrum, I can give you insight to what it’s really like being one of the skinnies. You know all the fatties’ stories. They get called at, their self-esteem stomped by the media, can’t get into clubs, they can’t find nice clothes, and all the sob stories you can think of. Either you’ve experienced them yourself or you’ve heard your friend complain to you in the middle of the night crying over a tub of Haagen Dazs.

Well guess what? I was crying in the middle of the night too, for the same reasons. I remember I was about 14 and I wore a sleeveless dress I just bought to meet my friends. As I arrived, one of my girl friends immediately said in her inherently bitchy tone, “do you even eat?” No hello, no “nice dress!”, just that remark. Now, you might now think that’s not a big deal, but it was a huge deal for me. I ended up secretly crying in the cinema when we were watching god-knows-what. Not the little teary-eyed kind of crying either, the full on, “my 12-year old dog just died,” kind of cry. So yes, that hurt. That night I cried some more, and texted my friend about it.

You rarely hear about the sob stories told from the side of a naturally skinny chick. Why? Because you refuse to perceive it as a problem. You think, “models are skinny. You are skinny. You have it good.” Some people have the deviated perception that being thin will automatically raise your self-esteem. Skinny is not another word for happiness, and this is coming from a girl who has been repeatedly asked by strangers if I’m a model.

So if you want to hear my sob story, listen up, because I know so many of my fellow skinnies who feel the same way, but feel like they can’t voice their experiences in public.

Being naturally skinny was never a problem for me, and being fat wasn’t either. I was never conscious of my body when I was young because I felt like there were more things to be concerned about. Like Barbie dolls and my Hot Wheels racetrack. But as I grew up and people started noticing each others bodies, they started to notice mine.

At first the comments were innocuous, like “you’re so skinny!” I brushed it off. No shit, I thought to myself. Then it became, “you’re too skinny!” I started getting pissed off at that point and would blow up with a meticulously crafted spiel about my metabolism I have repeated so often to my friends or extended family members.  Then as the world became aware of a mental disorder called anorexia and bulimia, those were the nicknames I got. Never mind the fact that I was literally eating in front of them, but yes, I was 'anorexic'.

During swimming classes in middle and high school, I stopped wearing one-piece suits alone after someone screamed at me, “Jasmine, you’re anorexic!” as I was walking towards the pool. I wore swimming trunks after that. Sometimes even with a diving top. I covered myself as if my body was a secret. It was not fun for me, believe me.

Little things like hugging would welcome comments like, “wow it doesn’t feel nice hugging you,” or “you’re so skinny, I’m scared I’ll break you.” Hugs! Imagine a world where hugging has become an invitation for derogatory comments such as those. Yes, I lived in it.

For years, comments like, “holy shit, you’re so skinny,” was a common occurrence, but I have yet learned how to be immune to it. That was until I reached a growth spurt of 20cm in two years, and then a few more after that, and a few more, and here I am.

The more condescending remarks about my thinness lightened up to jealousy at times, as my height have now placed me from “awkward scrawny girl” to “model-material.” Which I am really not. But hey, the world doesn’t need to know I have stretch marks and scars.

Since then, I have learned to love my body. Slowly, but surely. I still haven’t swum with my friends in normal bathing suit attire since middle school, but it’s a slow progress, alright? I only started wearing short sleeves confidently, like, a year or two ago. That’s big for me.

Just when I started to wear clothes that I love, the world started to rebuke skinnies again. Quotes like, “only dogs like bones,” and “real women have curves,” and “society is wrong about beauty,” started popping up on my Tumblr newsfeed and websites. Well, okay, great. I am not a real woman, then. I’m sorry.

Then a shitstorm of skinny-shaming started to happen. “That’s disgusting,” someone would say about a model. “Throw her a burger,” is a common comment. More skinny-shaming quotes. More pictures. More comments. More quotes. More comments. More pictures. More quotes.

Now, if you think that that did not affect me, you’re wrong. Even with the plethora of designers who prefer size 2 models (I’m actually a size 4 or 6, but I don’t look it), I was still strangely taken aback at the rude comments left by strangers. The Internet has that power.

So I regressed back towards the realm of baggy clothes. Not as bad as my middle school times, but tight dresses and spaghetti-strap tank tops were not welcomed on my lanky figure. Shopping became a game of, “will I look skeletal in this?” Yes, the answer is yes. This is also reason #43 why I rarely ever shop. It’s too much drama for me to find clothes that will not invite crass judgment by onlookers and distant friends.

See, by now, this sob story doesn’t sound like a sob story. With most of the world still in love with the svelte models, I shouldn’t complain. So what if I get remarks that make me cry, right? I’m thin! I have no right to feel sad about my body. So what if people tell me I look disgusting? I’m thin! Yay! So what if people assume I’m in the bathroom to throw up, or that I’m secretly counting calories? I’m thin! I should be ecstatic about my genetic lottery.

Being thin is not something to celebrate about, and it is nothing to be overly proud of. Having collarbones and a thigh gap also isn’t a gateway for comments about my appearance. I don’t care if you think it’s complimentary or that it might make me snap out of my ‘anorexia’.

I'm not complaining about being thin, because that's a cardinal sin in Girl World. I know all the perks being skinny gives me and sometimes it's pretty awesome. However, it does not mean that we are exempt from the tirade of abuse we receive nearly on a daily basis. So what I am complaining about is how people treat thin girls.

Treat everyone else the way you would treat fatties. Would you tell them to order a salad? Or tell them, “wow your thighs are rippling with fat, it reminds me of the beach I went to in Bora-Bora.” I would think not. People walk on eggshells around their fat friends but they break the eggs as soon as they see a skinny girl.

Am I happy with my body? Well, no. I’d rather gain a few pounds here and there, but I know that. You don’t need to remind me. You don’t need to remind the skinny girl over there. You don’t need to remind the skinny boy in the corner either. Unless you know for sure that a girl has been dieting in the unhealthiest way, you do not need to play Mrs. Nutrition with me.

Also, what is with the butthurt people whenever someone comments, “she’s fat,” on YouTube but saying, “she’s anorexic,” to a clearly healthy thin girl is perfectly okay?