Hot Topic: Hey, Are You Gay?

Don't pretend that you've never met someone and thought they played for the other team. It might be their floppy wrists or the shirt they wore that made you confirm your assumption, but everyone has that guy that made you go, "what are you?" So I asked my friend if he was gay, and I made sure I put the 'it's okay if you are' tagline to ensure that I am not Mitt Romney. As I expected, he was slightly offended by the insinuation, which I thought was just an innocuous question from one friend to another.

Let's get to it:

It's an awesome world we live in. You can run around naked on a beach and kiss in public and even piss on a bush while you're at it. Most of all, equality for the gays have never been closer and it's pretty awesome. Some people have opened up their minds and hearts to the idea that the LGBT community deserve the same rights as everyone else. Some have even taken it upon themselves to rally for gay rights and support them in their town.

Yet these very same people, the ones who support and love the gays, take into offense when someone asks them, "hey, are you gay?" They'll reply with a defensive, "no!" and if this was a common question, they'd go into a long snarky speech about being straight, sometimes followed by chugging a litre of beer to prove their manliness.

What I don't understand is why someone who supports LGBT would be offended when someone thinks they are gay. If they think there's nothing wrong about being gay then what's so wrong about someone assuming they are one? Unless you're a raging homophobe, the question of, "are you gay?" shouldn't be an insult. Like how Johnny Galecky (Leonard from Big Bang Theory) was rumored to be gay and when asked why he hasn't denied it, he replied, "I've never addressed those rumors because why defend yourself against something that's not offensive?" 

Whenever my 13 year-old angsty cousin tells his older brother, "you're so gay!" as an offense, I'll always respond with, "there's nothing wrong with being gay. That's not an insult." Because it fucking isn't and it shouldn't be. Sure, when I was in middle school I used 'gay' as an insult but that was my Catholic upbringing talking. But now I rarely, if ever, use the word gay unless for clothing. "That shirt is gay," is my way of saying, "that shirt looks better on a gay person because they're fashionable and can pull it off."

The LGBT community is relatively accepted, and if a curious bystander as myself asks someone about their sexual orientation, it's like going, "hey, are you German? It's okay if you're German." It shouldn't be offensive to a homophile because for me, there's nothing wrong with being gay. It's simply a question, like how people ask me what ethnicity I am or why I'm so skinny. It's a question because people are curious. If people think I have an eating disorder I'll be like, "yeah no," but I'll completely understand why they would think so.

But it frustrates me when someone I perceive as gay because they are more in tune with their femininity get all super-straight-guy on me. Most men try their best to hide their feminine aspects, so once a man is more confident with their sexuality to show it, it's a bit jarring and welcomes curious looks from people who have set boxes for 'men' and 'women'. 

Has someone ever assumed I was a lesbian? Yes, a few times actually. Maybe because I sit with my legs open sometimes and I joke around like a boy. But when someone asks me if I'm a lesbian, I'd say no and laugh it off. After all, what's so offensive about that? 

Most people assume I'm a bitch at first, and it would take them days or weeks or months to warm up to me, at which point they'll confess that they thought I was the biggest bitch when they just met me. I know that. I own the fact that I do have a bitchy resting face and that my brazen honesty could come across as rude and insensitive. But I don't get all caught up in that because there's nothing I can change about how people perceive me at first sight. All I can do is be myself and hope they'll realize I'm more than a Regina George. 

So to those straight men who aren't homophobes, there's nothing wrong with someone assuming you're gay. I never see girls being as irritated as you are when someone assumes they're a lesbian. If you support the LGBT community and you think the gays are equal with everyone, then being thought of as gay shouldn't be a problem for you.