Hot Topic: 45 Things Pianists Hate

Because I'm back in Jakarta, I've had the privilege of spending quality time with my good ol' Yamaha piano. Having learned 3 complete songs in the past week and a half, I have now remembered all the things I hate about piano and being a pianist. Now, I'm by no means a world-renowed pianist but I have been playing it for a decade, even teaching little spoiled brats piano and music theory. So here's a list I've compiled about things pianists hate.

Let's get to it:

1. Flipping the page in the middle of playing.

2. When the piano keys during the concert are heavier or lighter than your own. So for the first few seconds you start off pretty rocky because you need to adjust to the piano. This also happens during your piano exams.

3. Playing your trills too fast/shitty that it sounds like one note. You've all done it.

4. Your right foot/ankle cramps from pedaling.

5. When you want to start a piece for the first time and you see the key signature and you mentally bang your head on the keys. Why. Why must I suffer.

6. Doing your scales, broken chords, and arpeggios for your exams. Even if you're good at them, doesn't mean you like them. Or you do. I don't want to be associated with people who like doing scales.

7. When the fingering goes against human nature and you end up bending and twisting your phalanges in unimaginable ways.

8. When your teacher says your ff isn't loud enough when you're practically banging the keys already.

9. When your teacher says your pp or ppp isn't quiet enough. Bitch this is as light as my fingers can go.

10. That one note in the entire piece you always mess up. Always. Either it has a flat/sharp you keep missing or it has a natural you keep playing as a flat/sharp.

11. Listening to a classical song with a friend, or seeing someone perform, and your friend whispers, "can you play that?"

12. Perfectly practicing a song for months and one day you start messing up one part. Suddenly. Out of no where. That part. One. Fucking. Part. For no absolute reason.

13. When your friend has a really nice grand piano and they don't even play the instrument. It's like the living room decor. "CAN I HAVE IT?" is the first question you ask. Followed by your friend's answer of, "ask my mom."

14. Going out with your friends and there's a vacant piano (either at someone's house or in the middle of a lobby) and they all tell you to play something.

15. Wearing glasses and having them slip down your nose when you play, so you have to push it up in 1/10th of a second during rests.

16. When someone can play the guitar/drums/trumpets/violin tell you, "we can do a duet!"

17. Having creepily long and flexible fingers.

18. When the tempo is grave or largo and you know it's going to be a very slow and boring 8 pages.

19. Learning a plethora of Italian, French, and German words, but you can't use it on a daily basis. When can you ever say cantabile in a normal conversation with an Italian?

20. Banging the keys in frustration.

21. Listening to a song, thinking, "that sounds easy," but when you try to play it or read the sheet music you kind of double over and return to playing Hot Cross Buns.

22. The point in time where you're forced to teach a little kid piano and that little brat refuses to play for an hour. So you just sit there in agony trying to make him play at least one bar.

23. Theory exams are the death of you.

24. Messing up a bit during a concert/recital and you think, "oh god oh god no one heard that no one noticed that dear lord," and you get so caught up in the mistake you make another mistake. "Shitballs."

25. "Once more, with feeling." I HAVE UNLEASHED ALL MY FEELS, THERE IS NO MORE I CAN GIVE YOU. But you play anyway, thinking about your painful memories with your ex or crush. Fucking romantic pieces, go to hell.

26. Electronic keyboards.

27. Really wanting to play a beautiful piece but you have no time.

28. Taping your sheet music together so they're 7 pages long and cover the entire length of your piano.

29. Waiting for your piano to be tuned, but as of right now you're playing on an irritatingly untuned piano.

30. "PRACTICE YOUR PIANO," is a common phrase in the household that you dread to hear.

31. Thinking you've remembered your piece, so you hide the sheet music away, but mid-way through the piece your mind goes blank. *Shamefully takes the sheet music back*

33. When your hands hurt but you have no time to rest them because you have to be Bach playing the piano in 5 minutes. See what I did there.

34. Pronouncing the composers' names correctly but people think you're being pretentious, or they think you're pronouncing it wrong. Excuse you, I know how to pronounce Chopin.

35. When you don't actually have perfect pitch.

36. "Can you play Fur Elise?"

37. Your nails have always been so short to the point where growing it makes you iffy. Also, no nail polish for you ever.

38. Alto clefs.

39. Messing up when you try to play in front of your friend/crush. "No seriously I played it perfectly before you came along!"

40. Reading cool facts about your brain when you play the piano and feeling superior and unstoppable.

41. When you can't play by ear. But everyone seems to think all pianists can.

42. Sight reading, especially during exams. The horror, oh the horror.

43. The urge to play the piano but you're not anywhere near one. You end up playing a song on a flat wooden table.

44. Playing during winter. Fingers. Frozen. Can't. Move.

45. Having a weak pinky.