Hot Topic: 10 Things That Make Action Movies Unrealistic

There are many things about films that are incredibly unrealistic. Like how cars seem to explode all the time, which in reality they don’t. You would need oil or a very specific set or circumstances to blow up a car into flames. More often than not, it just crashes and becomes a crumpled automobile. But there are little details in movies that always get on my nerves because it’s just not possible or extremely unrealistic.
 

Let's get to it:

1. Glasses or lenses 

How is it that the people who are trapped on a deserted island or are taken into Soviet Russia to be tortured all have perfect 20/20 vision? As someone with extreme myopia I can tell you that even taking a short nap with my contact lenses will dry them out. Also, the characters who do wear glasses can still survive without them. If someone knocked my glasses out, I would literally walk into my own death. I can’t tell the difference between a human and a piece of toast, and considering the staggering amount of shortsighted people, it’s incredible how movies never depict the perils of the myopic during tough situations. 

2. Makeup that lasts for weeks

Imagine this; a girl is taken from her workplace/party/streets and is captured by a couple of armed men. The next day, she still has her goddamn eyeliner and eye shadow intact. Please, my eye shadow lasts me 6 hours with a good primer so it’s impossible for that girl to look like she just got off a stool at a MAC counter. What’s more is that those women were obviously wearing a good layer or two of foundation prior to the kidnapping, so why is the foundation still intact even 48 hours later. Even my MAC Prolongwear lasts 15 hours max before it starts to disintegrate and look like the cracked Sahara desert.

3. A hot girl is always around

This gets on my nerves more than anything else on this list. So imagine a shooting, and a couple of guys are battling it out with some handguns and profanity and suddenly the male protagonist finds an extremely attractive woman in the midst of this entire hullabaloo. Like in Transformers, for instance. I have never seen a woman like Megan Fox, and fucking Shia Labeouf finds her just walking around under the sun and she’s good with cars? That’s one in a million. You know who I find wandering around during the day? Fat, sunburned women.

4. The hot girl is a brilliant neuroscientist and/or is has a doctorate degree in Awesome

Come on, Dan Brown. Why do you always make your female protagonists extremely brilliant and mind-numbingly beautiful? Not like that portmanteau isn’t possible, it’s just that Professor Robert Langdon always seem to have an incredible female sidekick who not only looks like a Victoria’s Secret angel but can calculate scientific equations in the drop of a hat. Again, one in a million. Go to the physics department of your university and check out how many babes are lurking around.

5. Girls running in heels and skimpy dresses

So for 2 hours I have to see guys running around in proper attire but the girl has to wear an uncomfortable dress and an even more uncomfortable pair of Jimmy Choos? No, that is impossible. I cannot run in Nike sneakers let alone in Louboutins. I can say on behalf of all women that this is probably the most unrealistic representation of women on the run. If I had heels and I was being chased by a monster or a man with a gun, I would take my shoes off. No doubt. That, or I’d break into a Nike store and just wear one of their sneakers and run for my life. Just do it.

6. Villains reciting their evil master plan before killing the protagonist

I’ve never been in a position where I had to kill a man (although I’m still waiting for that day to come) so I wouldn’t know how my mind would react. But I probably wouldn’t tell my mortal enemy about my grand master plan. I’d just shoot the guy point blank. If he’s going to die, why are you divulging this information? Do you expect the protagonist—who is being held at gunpoint—to pull out a cake and congratulate you on how amazingly intricate and successful your plan is?

7. Talking to the protagonist before killing him

Just kill the man already! You don’t need to sensually whisper in his ear before blowing his brains off. Just kill him. Don’t need to ask, “any last words?” Why the fuck do you care what his last words are?

8. Kissing the girl before the big fight

“I love you,” he says to her. He leans in and kisses her slowly, as if he has all the time in the world, when in fact, there are three people being murdered behind him and there’s an explosion the size of Nagasaki. Get your damn lips off of her for heaven’s sake. There is no time for tongue when there’s a goddamn war five inches away from you.

9. Long hair don’t care

If the girl has her hair flowing in the wind during the entire 2 hours of your action-packed cinematic experience then that character is a fucking idiot. Because no girl likes having hair blown into their face when they’re running for their lives. Any sane girl will tie her hair up, and if there is no hair tie, she will find one somewhere or make one from a caterpillar. There is no such thing as battling 100 people with long luxurious hair. It sticks to our sweaty faces and necks and it blinds you when you want to do a quick 180-degree turn. It’s just not possible to have a female character who would willingly let her hair down during a battle when it’s 40 degrees outside.

10. The male protagonist and the woman he just met 24 hours ago fall in love

This gets me back to point number 3. It's as if romance is always in the air regardless of the nukes fired. Well it's not. It's hard enough for me to find love, let alone amidst chaos and with a man I barely even know. But somehow he's willing to risk his life for me and vice versa? What are the odds of that kindness? My own friends barely help me up if I trip and fall, let alone a man who will love me endlessly within 24 hours.