I'm not someone who deprives herself of the simple beauties in life. So last night when I saw a tall, dark handsome man sitting two tables next to me at a cafe, I thought I should pay him a compliment. I mean, I've always done it in Melbourne, why wouldn't I do it in Jakarta? But when I told my friends about my plan of action (to write a note and use the waiter as a middleman), they told me it was weird and 'wasn't the culture here'. Of course, I ended up doing it anyway. I gave the waiter with a handwritten compliment before I left; no name, no number, just an act of kindness from one stranger to another. But my friends' adamance that I shouldn't do it made me rethink acts of kindness and whether it is culture specific.
Let's get to it:
Paying strangers compliments wasn't a habit of mine back in the day. I was afraid to talk to new people and I thought it was weird for someone to just straight up compliment another person. I thought there needed to be context for compliments. It wasn't until I received my very own out-of-the-blue compliment by 4 young men in 2011 that I realized that acts of kindness shouldn't wait for the perfect time. Because to this day, I still remember what they said to me on that bridge, and even though they probably don't remember me or that exact moment, they made a great impact on me and my wavering self esteem.
I remember the people I have complimented. I remember the cashier in my favorite ramen restaurant with the great beaming smile, I remember the homeless man selling magazines with the sparkling blue eyes, I remember the girl with the colorful hair waiting for her takeaway chicken. Old, young, male, female, beauty is everywhere and it would be a shame not to recognize it. I remember the compliments I give because the face of gratitude cannot be replaced by anything else. It's as if a switch is turned on and I'm automatically their new friend. They would hold a conversation with me afterwards and remember me next time we cross paths.
Now, if making people happy is considered to be culture-specific and exclusive to western countries, then I feel privileged to be able to implement that kind of behavior here. If in Jakarta, polite compliments are few and far in between, then perhaps it's time for a change. I know that people in Jakarta are not as liberal as western countries and that compliments might seem odd, but I would rather break through the initial weirdness of the situation in order to deliver what I believe is best for the other party. I mean, what kind of harm can be done by telling someone that they are attractive or that they have a sweet voice? The only harm made is when we deprive someone of a certain type of kindness because we are afraid of what people might think.
Compliments and kindness in general shouldn't be culture-specific. We look at western countries and admire their friendliness yet we refuse to implement the same manners in our own environment. "Maybe you can do that in Melbourne, but not here," my friend told me. Well, if I do it in one city, why wouldn't I do it in another? People might not be used to it, but maybe that's a bad thing. Why are random acts of kindness so rare that it's considered to be strange?
The thing with compliments is that it takes 2 seconds to say it but ends with a lifetime of gratitude. I remember many compliments I have received, either from strangers who complimented my pants or my pilates instructor who admired my hair. It's really not about waiting for 'the right conversation' to tell someone they have nice eyebrows or cool glasses. It's about giving someone a gift. God knows they might need it in a world where our self esteem is constantly held down by mainstream media. If anyone else asks me why I would do such a thing, ask yourself, why not? Who are you hurting? Moreover, why would you refuse to give someone a slice of happiness to protect your own pride?
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