Hot Topic: What Men Really Want

I have been texting someone recently, and it was initially a pretty casual chat and we talked about innocuous things, until things turned for the worst and it led to him asking for sex. Of course I tried to ward him off and say no, but he was adamant nonetheless and we had a debate about the value of the act. I was on the side of 'it is precious' and he was on the side of 'what the fuck are you on about, it's just sex'. In the end, we agreed to disagree. Later on when I seriously told him that he was batshit crazy, he asked me why, and I couldn't respond. Because I just realized that I only thought he was crazy because he was honest. And could I really blame him for saying things out loud that most men are just afraid to say?

Let's get to it:

I'm not going to put all men in one box, but from my personal experience, it's pretty clear that most men my age want sex. Love, relationships and any sort of emotional connection come second or are on equal levels with sex. This mentality might be culture-specific, but it's what I've seen in the past few years, and it's also one of the reasons why I have lost faith in young love and relationships altogether. 

Most girls want romance. They want to love and be loved in return, and that premise of love excludes any sort of physical intimacy. Because humans want to be loved for everything they are, not for what they can offer in bed. And guys know this. Guys know that girls want to be swept off and treated like little darlings, so that's what they do. They sweep, they treat, and they give you 17 cardinal red roses for the 17 days you've been together (or whatever bullshit that comes with giving your significant other a specific number of flowers). We accept those gifts wholeheartedly to the point where we forget the one implicit thing they really want. We forget because we're too busy munching on our heart-shaped Ferrero Rochers. We forget because it's all a ruse to make us want the same thing they want. We are the fish, and they have the bait. 

Okay, do I sound like a bitter skeptic who will end up with 15 cats blogging about stupid ol' men? Perhaps, but I am not a skeptic. I have not completely pushed away the concept of the existence of Good Guys because I have met a handful who I truly admire and respect (albeit they are few and far between). However, as a girl whose met and interacted with plenty of men, I have discovered that most of them have a one-track mind, especially ones around my age group (hello 90's kids, I am talking to you).

The thing is, I know that's all they think about, and yet I still expect them to sugarcoat their intentions with kindness and fakery. It might not be fake for some, but to me, those little things are merely branches you climb on to get to the top of the tree. Some people might call it respect, or 'dating', but I call it 'being sly'. I'm not saying that guys who take you out to dinner and bring you chicken noodle soup when you're ill are only looking for a good bang, but a hefty amount of men actually do. Being courteous is only a means to an end. It's very rare to see a guy who would treat you like a proper gentleman and would be satisfied with a thank you and a quick hug.

So when this guy straight up asked me to have sex and reiterated his reasons why it would 'not be a big deal', I was horrified. What kind of talk was this? How could he ask me such a thing! How demented, how disgusting, how...painfully honest. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, amidst my gagging and typing, I realized that this man is the unabashed representation of most men. That this guy with his brazen honesty is every other guy I have encountered, sans romantic dinners and all the sweet talk. He asked me questions every other guy didn't have the courage to ask. He said (insane) things that most guys would be too ashamed to say. He knew what he wanted and he didn't beat around the bush.

But why was I so repulsed by him? I mean, it wasn't like I have been sheltered by my parents and have only watched G-rated movies all my life. I was repulsed because I was so used to all the fakery, all the dinners, all the calls, all the emoji-ridden texts. So when out of nowhere he sprung his true intentions at me, it took me by surprise. It was then I realized that I shouldn't get too caught up in all the hoopla; all the wooing and the 'let's go out to eat'. I have become too comfortable with all the bullshit. He was the true face of modern-day dating, without the glittery wrapping.

Am I generalizing? Maybe. Will this mentality change as men get older and want to 'settle down'? Of course. Do men truly want to be loved just as much as women? Absolutely. But in my experience with young men, and from my encounters, it's clear that at the end of the day, if you don't give them what they want, they will walk away. Case in point, try to tell any of your dates that you will not go further than hand holding and count how many seconds it takes for him to run for his life.