Hot Topic: Being Alone is Okay

There's this huge stigma in society when you're single. They think you're either looking for some ass but can't get any, or you're simply batshit crazy. Being single in a society that encourages pairs is like being a single animal in Noah's Ark. It feels odd because most people believe that being single is simply a phase instead of a comfortable position. Being alone is like the pause before the next song.

Let's get to it:

I was single throughout high school while my friends were switching boys around like they were recycled goods. Relationships were just something that I observed but never partook. Did I long for love like most of my friends? Of course, but it never bothered me the way it bothered most people, because unlike girls who jumped from boy to boy, I jumped within my own mind. Instead of waiting for a man to fill in the void and the emptiness, I learned to do it myself. Being (technically) single for 18 years has made me independent, and it seems like many people need that too.

Breakups are awful, and it leaves you feeling numb and hollow. But it's not missing the other person that bothers most people; its that fact that you are now left with your own thoughts and decisions. The worst part about a breakup is the loss of identity that ensue, the silence in your room, the stillness of your phone and the air of independence that feels strangely familiar. It's an overwhelming feeling of being in your own skin again. I have noticed after years of observing my friends mourn over their exes that being single is simply a segue before embarking on a new relationship. Being single is not a choice, it is the last option.

I'm not saying that being in a relationship ruins your independence, alright maybe I am, if you want more on that you can read my article about falling in love. Simply put, being in a relationship is like trading your sports car for a family-friendly SUV. You need to think about another human being before yourself, and you are so emotionally connected with your significant other that sometimes you lose track of who you are as an individual. It's not necessarily a bad thing; some people thrive on this kind of intimacy. I don't, and it's because after being a third party in every breakup, I have learned that most people are so afraid of being alone that they will do anything not to be single.

We all need to be comfortable in our own skin, and not in the skin you share with your significant other. You are a person whose happiness stems from your own soul, not from kisses and cuddles. If you are not content with being alone and stuffing your face with pizza on a Friday night while watching reruns of Fresh Prince of Bel Air then maybe you shouldn't hop into a relationship yet. Because those Friday nights are hours where you discover what makes you happy and what makes you...you. Those nights alone, and any subsequent nights, give you a chance to discover your own interests. People say 'I feel so alone' as if it's a terrible state to be in. If you feel uncomfortable when you are alone, then maybe you should work on making yourself feel better. Humans are socially interconnected in all sorts of ways, but that does not mean we have to lose our independence in the process. You cannot rely your happiness on other people, even friends, because they all come and go, while you will stay in your body for as long as life allows.

Most people will say that they're happiest when they're in a relationship and that they thrive on making their significant other happy. To those people; good on you. But don't think for a second that you are not worth your own effort. Because you cannot keep building nests for two when you can't even build a nest for one. Relationships break, and if you entrust your happiness upon one person, you will be left with empty egg shells. Why would you depend 100% of your happiness on someone who has the ability to walk away? 

This might seem like an obvious point to make, but sometimes the most obvious and logical things are the ones that people seem to ignore. Living alone for the past 3 years have taught me to cry, laugh, and pick myself up. It taught me that life is only worth living when you are content with being with yourself. People ask me if I get lonely living alone, and I always tell them no. I love the company of others, and it doesn't matter if you're an introvert or an extrovert, what matters is that when you have no one to bid you goodnight and greet you good morning, you will still get up and greet your reflection in the mirror. 

You shouldn't find the need to put yourself in a relationship because you are lonely or uncomfortable with being single. On the contrary, if you feel empty when you're alone, stay by your lonesome. Learn what your mind is capable of. Pick up a book. Write. Paint. Play the guitar. Run around the block. Go to the beach by yourself. Enjoy the winter breeze and crunchy autumn leaves without a significant other by your side. You need to be a full human being before you jump on the relationship bandwagon. Otherwise, when it doesn't work out, you'll be left alone, searching for someone again to pick up the pieces when you're strong enough to do it yourself.