I went to my dad's event yesterday night, but before leaving the house, I asked my sisters if they were going to wear heels, and they said yes, so I wore mine too because I didn't want to be the odd one out. Also, I was wearing something pretty casual and if I wore flats it might make me look under dressed. But when my sister's heels broke and I was left staggeringly taller beside her, she pointed at my heels and made a remark about how tall I was with my heels compared to her now. So I changed my heels into a pair of nice short kitten heels so my sister wouldn't have to feel insecure about her height.
Let's get to it:
I've mentioned in several posts that I'm pretty tall for an Asian. So I don't want the 6'0 girls out there raging about how I have it good at 5'10. But even being 5'7 is an accomplishment in Asia, so most of the time in a large crowd, I stick out like a sore thumb. This has it's downsides, because if that morning I decide that it's I Don't Give A Shit Day, then I won't make much of an effort to make myself look decent. So going to church on Sunday morning means a lot of stares and a lot of judgement from people staring at my oily face and unkempt hair.
Because height is such a rare gift in Asia and is akin to being born with golden horns atop one's head, adults find it extremely necessary to know my height. The first thing they will say to me is, "how tall are you?" I have no idea why, but I believe they don't ask short people this. I always reply with a humble, "oh I'm not sure... last I checked it was 5'10," and they would gasp in amazement. Then confetti starts falling, a mariachi band pops up, and the crowd starts singing copacabana.
But the biggest peeve of mine is whenever I wear heels. Now, I don't wear heels everyday. I own one pair and another I stole from my sister's. I wear them for important formal events and when I go clubbing. Heels don't just serve as a replacement for normal flats, they add a touch of formality and class (if it's the right pair, of course). Heels tie together a casual outfit into one that's more presentable. Wearing heels is akin to men wearing blazers. You don't have to wear it but it gives a little je ne sais quoi to the whole look.
However when I wear heels, people will look annoyed that I have strapped them on. "Why are you wearing heels, you're already tall!" Indeed, wearing heels will make me an even bigger sore thumb, but I see no wrong in wearing heels. I want to feel just as sexy as the next person in their stilettos. But I will always feel guilty and awkward whenever I slip on a pair of heels. My shorter friends won't even walk next to me or will complain when taking pictures with me. I'm that constant reminder for them that they did not win the genetic lottery.
Yesterday, my sister told me, "no one wants to stand next to you," as sort of a backhanded compliment, and at that point it was nearing the end of the night. I've been stared at, asked about my height, and questioned a dozen times about why I was wearing heels when I didn't need to. So I snapped and made a pretty mean remark about the people around me.
Granted, not my nicest comment of the night but I was oh so tired of laughing amiably and pretending that it's alright for people to tell me to wear flats instead. I was frustrated with people constantly asking for my height and telling me how short they feel next to me and that I have to apologize for wearing heels. Whenever I wear them I have to justify myself. "My dress is too casual!" or "It's a formal event, though!" I can never just wear heels for the sake of it without people being annoyed at the presence of my instantly-tall figure hovering above them. I have literally had my friends walk a few steps in front of me because I was 'too tall' for them and hence it made them feel short.
I mean, I've always put up with this because it's such a non-issue. I know many would kill to have my height, but it's pretty annoying when I have to be confined to my boring old flats because you're insecure about how you look. What am I supposed to do? Never wear heels for the rest of my life because you're insecure? I don't need to change anything about myself because of your own self-esteem problems.
I do not have to feed your insecurity by not wearing heels. No, you have to learn to accept that you are short and stop comparing yourself to tall girls. It's quite awkward for me to have people (even random strangers) measure themselves next to me because I want to just hug them and say, "it's okay that you're short, you're still pretty fucking awesome anyway, m'am!"
I've already sacrificed wearing platform heels and have stuck to heels less than 3' in height because wearing platforms will spark even more of an outrage. Men will start to pound the floors and grunt like an angry gorilla. Do you know how many cute heels there are out there? Tons. But I have passed many opportunities to buy them because I have been taught that I shouldn't enjoy wearing heels because they are a privilege I shouldn't receive. That whenever I slip my feet into a nice pair of heels, I should feel guilty for it. But you know what though? If I want to wear a pair of platforms, I damn well will now. Because I hate having shorter people dictate how I look in order to feed their ego. I should not have to feel guilty for other people's own self-esteem problems. I shouldn't be blamed for how shitty you feel. That's all you. I'm just walking around having a nice time and eating hors d'oeuvres.
In a world where height is celebrated, I know why short people might feel constantly insecure. But it's what you're born with so might as well accept your body for what it is. And for the love of god leave the tall girls in heels alone. We're there to have fun, not make you feel like shit. If your self-esteem decreases when we're around, it's not our fault, it's yours. So stop telling me to wear flats instead, because if you love your body you'll be fine walking next to me.
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