Now that I'm selling all my furniture and I'm writing this on a thin mattress splayed out in the middle of my empty bedroom, I can't help but be thankful for all the years I've had in this tiny shoebox apartment. I moved in here a few months after I turned 18 and said goodbye to my single dorm life. And while most people think that living alone is lonely, I can safely say that I wouldn't have it any other way. Here's why.
Let's get to it:
1. You learn to be truly independent
Independence isn't wondering whether or not your roommate have paid the bills or have taken out the trash. It isn't hoping that your parents did the laundry that day. True independence, the one I've had for the past 4 years, is making sure the bills are paid on time, the light bulbs are fixed, the plumber is called, the spider is taken care of, and the stain on the floor is removed before it sets in. During the past few years I've had to rely on no one but myself to keep my body up and running. I've averted calamity in my apartment when the smoke alarm went off after cooking. I've struggled unbuttoning the back of my dress when it's 4AM and I've had a little too much beer. After awhile, doing things alone makes you realize what you're capable of. Most importantly, you'll learn how to cure your own hangover the morning after.
2. You know how to support yourself mentally
While most people will inevitably run into their housemate during a mental breakdown, living alone means that there's no one there to give you Ben & Jerry's and a large spoon when you're crying at midnight. When you have those days, you'll learn to cope with it and wake up the next morning with a comforting silence and the satisfying knowledge that you've made it through the night. There will be a time where you will have no one to turn to, and even though hopefully moments like that are few and far between, living alone means you know how to handle loneliness. If you can gather the pieces of your brokenness, that's probably the most badass thing you'll ever do.
3. You make your own mistakes
There's no smothering parent to tell you what time to go home, or wise older sibling to tell you that that date you're bringing home looks like bad news. There's no one to scream to when the person you bring home decides to pull a gun out at you. This means that whatever you do in your apartment, you will have to do so with caution and the responsibility of a wise octogenarian. You'll learn to trust your gut instinct, and be decisive when it comes to dating. No, you cannot stay the night. Yes, you can come over. No, you cannot come in. Yes, you can pick me up at this address. Your safety becomes your number one priority, and you learn to trust and size up the new friends that you bring over. When there is no safety net, you learn to be a good judge of character.
4. You learn who you truly are
John Wooden famously said, "the true test of a man's character is what he does when no one is watching." I've lived for 16 years interacting with maids, parents, and friends. The only solace I got were the few hours before bed. When I moved to Melbourne, I learned that the real me likes to watch movies over popcorn every night, sing loudly while playing mediocre guitar, write short stories, give advice to random strangers, and binge eat snacks. And I like that real me more than the me that goes to parties on Fridays.
5. You learn how to cook
Okay, maybe this one's a bit of a stretch. Not every independent-living person can cook, but it does increase your chances of cooking well. While some people rely on their housemate to cook or order food online, I had to prepare my meals, cook them, and wash every dirty plate. I know which cuisine I cook best and what my specialty dish is. I came to Australia without the faintest idea how to boil an egg, and now I'm practically Jamie Oliver.
6. You decide on everything
Do black or beige heels look better with this dress? Is one pinch of salt enough for this miso ramen? Can I use this leather cleaner on my non-leather shoes? The questions that you usually ask someone for their approval now needs to be answered by you alone. You'll learn to trust in your own judgement and fall in love with Google. Not relying on people all the time feels liberating, but of course there are times where you should heed the advice of others.
7. You are your own doctor
Illnesses will be your best friend. I have sprained my ankle multiple times, gone down with chesty coughs, and even burned my own hand once. I have become my own WebMD, with many home remedies and extensive knowledge on over-the-counter drugs to ameliorate the pain. When you're alone and bleeding, you'll rely on online message boards and forums to heal your cuts, and after awhile you'll tackle any injury like a nurse.
8. You start new things
Living alone can be boring at times, and just to fill in the time, you'll do things you wouldn't do otherwise. A friend of mine learned how to play the guitar when he was bored at home, and I picked up the same instrument so I could have a new hobby. I practiced my drawing and writing, I jogged, I experimented on food, and discovered what I liked. Without the loneliness of the single life, I wouldn't have done any of this, or at least wouldn't do them as much. Living alone lets you hone your craft without the distraction of others.
9. Dating is better
Instead of meeting at a public space every few days or having to meet the parents before crossing the threshold of the front door, living alone means your partner can come in anytime and stay for as long as you want them to. Living with someone you love will teach you what it means to be a good partner through thick and thin. Through the bad days and the good. So many of my friends who live solo have their partners move in for convenience and financial reasons. The relationship matures when there are no secrets because you two have to accept each other's flaws. Besides, what's better than saying goodnight and good morning to the person you love?
“I was surrounded by friends, my work was immense, and pleasures were abundant. Life, now, was unfolding before me, constantly and visibly, like the flowers of summer that drop fanlike petals on eternal soil. Overall, I was happiest to be alone; for it was then I was most aware of what I possessed. Free to look out over the rooftops of the city. Happy to be alone in the company of friends, the company of lovers and strangers. Everything, I decided, in this life, was pure pleasure.” -Roman Payne
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