Standing at 5'10, or, more specifically, 177.5cm, I am considered a giant by Asian standards, although I am considered only slightly above average in Australia and any western countries. Whenever I meet my mother's friends, the first thing they would ask me is how tall I am, or they would just mention straight off, "wow you're tall!" I would fake a smile. I didn't know that, but thank you for enlightening me. And then they would say either, "you should be a model!" or "you'll have a hard time finding a man!" Some of them would even go as far as saying, "you have to date a bule now." A 'bule', is what Indonesians call Caucasians. It is not a derogatory term, so don't get your panties in a twist. I usually fake laugh and go, "yeah I guess so." But this morning, I had a thought. Is that really the only thing that older Asian women see in me? That either I have to use my height as an advantage by becoming a model, and that I would have a hard time finding a suitable guy who has to be taller than me?
Lets get to it:
The whole, "wow you're tall! You should be a model!" thing pisses me off a lot, actually. I weigh as much as a 10 year-old Hungarian boy, so I don't blame them if they think I belong on the runway along with girls who also resemble Olive from Popeye. But is that all there is for me? They see me and they think how lucky I am to be endowed with a genetic lottery that not only gives me height but also a fast metabolism to keep my weight at bay? Of course, I don't take this for granted, but it gets irritating when people ask me why I'm not a model.
Alright, first of all, I'm flattered, but I am flawed in ways you can't imagine. I am inadequate to become a model and my height and weight are the only things I can tick off a model's checklist. And I would try to explain this to them but they wouldn't budge. As if being a model is the greatest career that life can bestow upon a woman.
Girls were conditioned to think that the best asset they can get is a marketable façade. The very few lanky ectomorphs are pulled into the modeling industry, which leaves the petite and average-built women to slump in their rooms, as if missing out on an exclusive high school club they can never join. Nobody ever tells me, "you're smart, you should become a surgeon." No. Even the technical advisor during my internship told me, "you're attractive, you should become a talk show host."
It is as if females who are fortunate enough to be considered objectively 'attractive' shouldn't waste time curing cancer or helping handicapped seniors; their faces hidden behind a surgical mask and unappreciative old people who can't tell the difference between Gisele Bundchen and a cactus. Nope, they have to use their looks. They should end up in show business or a career that would make use of their appearance more than their minds. As if being attractive is a talent. I was appalled to hear that a lot of young girls actually say they want to grow up to be a model. Why is that a career decision? Since when did that become something to work for? Why don't you want to become a biochemical engineer, or a journalist? Isn't that going to make use of you as a person instead of flaunting your body off to superficial photographers and editors who will make you starve yourself? I'm not saying being a model is something to be ashamed of. If you are in it, then hey, congratulations. But it is not something you will do for the rest of your life. A model's career starts as early as 13 and ends as quickly as the Sopranos. Girls should grow up wanting to make a difference to the world with what they can do with their minds, not their bodies.
What's worse is that these Asian women I talk to always find the need to talk about how I'm going to find a man with my height. "When you wear heels, they still have to be taller than you. Now you have to find someone who's 6'2 or taller!" Is that something I should be concerned about? Finding a man that's adequately taller than I am? Why does that even matter! Why has my height suddenly become so detrimental to my love life? First of all, I am not that tall, you old Asian women are just tiny. I don't know if its the instant noodles or the dumplings but y'all are short as fuck. Talk about crouching tiger.
One woman literally sat me down and laid out the options for me. If I were to date a bule, then he will definitely be taller than me (that's a common misconception. The average height for a white male is 5'9). But then I might have to move to the country of said bule. Oh no, how could I ever leave this wonderful third-world country where people shit in rivers and live on the streets? Man oh man I'm going to miss swatting flies away when I'm trying to enjoy lunch. Then she would say, "on the upside, you will have beautiful half-Asian babies!"
Excuse you, who says I want to get married or have kids? I do, but that's not the point. Why do they think that I live life in search for a taller man who will whisk me away from my loneliness? Yes, maybe that was how it was back then in the 30's and 50's, mom and grandma, but that's not how it is now. A woman's worth is not equivalent to the worth of her man.
I don't know how this mentality started. The whole 'beauty = advantage' and 'woman = man' outlook. Years and years of oppression from men, maybe? Because women in the old days were treated as nothing more than her husband, and that beauty is a rare gift that can get you places. A woman is, after all, just a baby making machine. But women have transformed into these independent motherfuckers who don't take shit from anyone. 30 and unmarried? Congratulations you are tough as balls, my beautiful dowager. I just wish that people can look at women as more than objects to be flaunted, and much more than a man's companion.
The word pretty is unworthy of everything you will be, and no child of mine will be contained in five letters. You will be pretty intelligent, pretty creative, pretty amazing. But you, will never be merely 'pretty'.
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