You've been in it, I know you have. You've been in the square box that is the friend zone, and if any of you readers tell me that you haven't, then either you're in denial, or you were just pushed out of your mother's vagina a minute ago. Because even toddlers get friend zoned alright? You see little boys chasing after little girls in pre-K all the goddamn time. The friend zone has existed since the dawn of time, but somehow in recent years it's been put out there more and discussed as one of the 7 deadly sins.
Let's get to it:
The friend zone is ultimately the cage you are trapped in when you are rejected by the person you have romantic feelings for. Note that you can end up in the friend zone regardless of whether or not you have proclaimed your feelings to said person. This zone is not inescapable, but what is inescapable is the bro/sis zone. Once your friend considers you as family, you have no chance with that person lest he or she has watched too much Game of Thrones and want to be the Cersei to your Jaime.
Some people consider the friend zone to be the second worst place to be, with the first being North Korea. Anyone who have been inside the friend zone can attest to this; it fucking sucks. It not only diminishes your self-esteem but it also makes you fear rejection. The friend zone is like a small room with mirrored walls, and wherever you turn you are forced to see your reflection. You become extremely judgmental towards yourself and nitpick every single flaw of yours. If you were funnier, hotter, nicer, taller, shorter, you would have landed the person of your dreams. That's the thing with the friend zone, it cripples your confidence and makes you feel like you are not worthy of that other person. Being the victim is painful and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but it happens.
However, I now identify with other friend zoners. It's not that I gain pleasure from seeing boys burn in the pits of the friend zone, but I have discovered that being the friend zoner is no more tiring than being the victim. The reason why is that my decision in friend zoning someone feels like it is not mine to make. Whenever I tell a friend that I am not interested in our mutual pal, he or she will say something along the lines of, "but he's so nice!" or "just give it a try!" They will become a wing man not because they honestly believe that he is a great guy, but because they know firsthand how painful it is to be pushed aside into the friend zone without a single chance. So reluctantly, I will spare some time for him, not because I want to, but because I feel in my heart that it is only fair, or that I might see something in him that I missed during our sporadic conversations.
Which is really an annoying thing to do. I know, I know, I probably sound like a bitch for saying this, but attraction is an integral part in the initial relationship. If I don't find another man attractive, both physically and emotionally, then I don't think I should sacrifice my time for someone simply because I pity them. The friend zoners are seen as villains, and because of that, we live in a world where people superficially entertain their dates for the sake of being seen as a good person.
Also, somehow there is an unspoken rule regarding first dates and that it should always lead to a second. I have been on dates, and yes even though I might scream at my phone and talk to Siri about my woes (such as "Siri can you make him love me?"), I will understand if my first date will not bear another. I am fine with it, but the problem is, most people aren't. As if they're wonderful enough to induce another date. News flash, sometimes you're boring, get over yourself and move on to meet other boring people and be boring together. If you think the date went well but after that night he or she seems disinterested, then take a hike. Since when has 'no' become a challenge?
It's difficult being in the friend zone, but it gets easier once you realize that you are not everyone's cup of tea. You are chamomile and he likes his English breakfast tea with two sugars. So what if that person refuses to go out with me even after I
shamelessly flirt with him? He has his reasons, and I am probably not
his type. No need to get my panties in a twist and drug him for just one
night out. You shouldn't beat yourself up for his or her personal reasons, and you definitely shouldn't keep coming back asking for a chance. Because coming from a serial friend zoner, it is pretty much as awkward for us to reject you as it is for you to be rejected. What's even more awkward is hearing good reviews about you and being forced by society to give you one chance so we wouldn't be seen as cold-hearted villains. I was the mayor of the friend zone for years and know what it feels like to be in both ends of the spectrum. And I can safely say that being the friend zoner requires more thought than being the victim. People sympathize with the victims, but no one sympathizes with the friend zoner. Because apparently, if a guy pays for dinner, he deserves to automatically be my boyfriend. Which isn't how it works, society. Stop making me feel bad for saying no just because he forked over $20 to pay for my meal.
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