There are some things that make me go, "no wait that doesn't make sense go back three steps and repeat I think I heard you wrong." Most of them have to do with women. As a girl, I don't understand half the things girls do. I can only imagine what guys think of us. We do things as if we were wired to do so. So here it is, things I don't understand about people. And if any of you are kind enough to give me the answers down there, I'd greatly appreciate it.
Let's get to it:
1. Girls who hate other girls who like the same boy. Why is this even a thing? I'm completely serious. Even if some girl likes the same boy you do, that gives you no right to hate her. Even if you two are friends. You can't help who you like. If your boy crush likes another girl, don't hate that poor girl either. Just stop hating other girls for absolutely no reason. If the boy doesn't like you then suck it up. It means that other girl is better than you. Deal with it.
2. People who ask, "are you rich?" This makes that person uncomfortable. You wouldn't ask someone, "are you poor?"
3. Boys who ask us, "geez, are you on your period?" What if we are? What if we're not? Being angry is a legitimate emotion that human beings and animals express. Don't ever ask us that unless we tell you straight up. And maybe, maybe, don't piss us off ever. No matter the state of our uterus.
4. Boys who leave the toilet seat up. Girls use the toilet seat to sit down to pee and poop. Boys use the toilet seat to sit down to poop. There are 3 uses to have the toilet seat down and 1 use to have the toilet seat up. Do the math, dickwad. Keep it down, especially if you're at someone else's house.
5. Girls who dumb themselves down for boys. It's never cute, never funny. If you have a smidgen of intelligence, show it. Because being smart is sexy, and being able to hold a conversation about something other than a handbag will be extremely useful in the future. Any boy who wants you to act dumb is not worth your time.
6. Not being allowed to ask anyone's age. If you're 21, tell me you are. If you're 48, tell me you are. If you're 83, tell me you are. Just tell me your fucking age because if I hear one more adult go, "oh I'm 18!" and giggles, or "It's rude to ask that!" I will pee on your bare feet while singing The Star-Spangled Banner. Not telling me your age will make you seem older and insecure.
7. When couples post pictures of them kissing. Why.
8. When couples post pictures of them every second. Why.
9. Girls who have modeled for a friend's photography session a few times and now labels herself as a 'model'. And then puts it in her bio on Facebook and Instagram and Tumblr and Twitter. Don't call yourself a model unless you've been signed to an agency.
10. Couples who celebrate monthsaries. Unless you are dying of a terminal disease and have only months or a few years to live, then no.
11. Skinny-shaming. Yes I understand that you are very strongly against anorexia and thin girls. But realize that some of us are naturally skinny. Stop making us feel bad for being exactly what we're supposed to be.
12. Girls who wear fake lashes on a daily basis. You are gluing individual tiny hairs on your eyes. Think about it. It looks terrible and fake. Rock your thin lashes, girl, nobody pays attention to those.
13. Boys who pressure their girlfriends into having sex with them. Your needs are not greater than her values. If she says no once then leave it alone. Go get a fleshlight or jack off with some KY Jelly or something. For fuck's sake.
14. Guys who think that they're too nice and that's why they finish last. Being nice is never the sole reason a girl doesn't date you. You might have external factors that contribute to you being single. You might be dumb, broke, lazy, not funny, boring. Stop blaming your niceness. Take a good look at yourself, buddy.
15. Girls who upload an entire album on Facebook of their Photo Booth selfies. If you're over the age of 15, it's not okay anymore. It's always relatively attractive girls who do this, too. I get it, you're pretty. Stop rubbing it in my face.
16. Girls who fish for compliments. If you truly think you're ugly, you wouldn't be saying it out loud every time we meet. If you truly think you're fat, you wouldn't be mentioning it. Insecurities are usually unspoken, except to trusted friends. If you keep mentioning it, it's obvious you want us to reassure you that you're the opposite. It's funny because most of the time you are what you say you are. Now you've put me in a tough position and have to lie to you. "No you're not fat. That muffin top is an illusion. It's not there. It's a mirage. Your belly fat is a mirage."
17. People who mention their girlfriend/boyfriend in every conversation. Why. I get it, you're in a happy relationship.
18. Straight guys who are so afraid of being seen as gay. If you ask a girl if another girl is hot, she'll say yes or no. If you ask a gay guy, transgender, lesbian, drag queen, if another person of the same gender is attractive, they will say yes or no. But if you ask a guy, they get all flustered and say, "whoa I don't know, I'm not gay." Answering that question doesn't make you gay. Nothing makes you gay unless you are actually gay.
19. Girls who want to show something but take a picture of themselves in it. If you want to show a pretty brick then take a picture of the brick. Your face ain't got nothing to do with it. Get it out of the frame.
There are tons of other things I don't understand, but there's a few. For now.
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