I'm at that age where people around me are starting to find work after graduation. These eager early 20-somethings are trying their best to balance their dreams with their parents' demands, and most of the time, the latter wins. Because I've learned that where I'm from, aspirations don't mean anything if they are not parallel with the family's needs. We have been raised to become cattle, and not many risk traversing into greener pastures.
Let's get to it:
When I told my parents that I ultimately want to work in Australia, they weren't very pleased. Fortunately, my parents know that they cannot put a leash on their daughters because they have not created us to be strangled within their grasp. They educated us to be fiercely independent, and that is something I'm very grateful for.
Every week I would meet friends or acquaintances that have just graduated from Europe or America and have returned to Jakarta. For good? I'd ask them. Yeah, my parents would never let me stay there. These stories come in a dime a dozen. It's understood in my community that family comes first, and our needs come second. Our parents have raised us, clothed us, put a roof over our heads and paid for our education in full. They own us. Say the word and we'll sit, roll over, and bark.
That's something I've never agreed with.
Our familial ties are so strong that we put ourselves last, and it's been like this for centuries. Our parents sacrificed their happiness for their parents, our grandparents sacrificed their happiness for their parents, and the chain continues. But what happens when our parents are the reason why we can't excel? What happens when they hinder us from our full potential?
Many don't choose to go back to Jakarta, they simply must. It is their duty to fly back to their homeland, no matter the cost. I know someone who was offered a job in Facebook's headquarters in California but had to turn it down because his father wanted him home. He could've easily accepted the offer, but his bond with his parents were much stronger than his career. Our parents have selflessly given us everything we need, so it only makes sense if we pay them back with our presence after university...right?
Well, that's the thing. What is the fun in raising robots that comply with every order? What is wrong with raising independent thinkers with their own plans in life? The world is the biggest thing we will every set foot on and yet we are bound to one city. Home is wherever we choose it to be. I have lived in Jakarta for almost 2 decades yet I never think of this place as home. But I've only lived in Melbourne for 4 years and know that's where my heart is. We are allowed to resent our birthplace and fall in love with another country. We are allowed to work in places we've always dreamed of even though it's halfway across the world. We are allowed to do these things because we have the right to be independent humans, not herd. And this is something so many parents do not understand.
They educate us abroad yet they encourage us to repel new western ideologies. What's the use of globalization if we don't learn from our mistakes and implement new, and perhaps better ways to live? We can learn a lot from the way western parents let go of their children so effortlessly and with so much love and support. And in turn, they can learn from us the undying respect we give to our family members.
I have never been in a position of having to see my children leave, and I'm sure it's heartbreaking to only see them twice a year. But shouldn't we encourage our kids to tackle any dreams they have with gusto? That maybe these brilliant Indonesians can represent the country all over the world and contribute in ways that we cannot even imagine. Why should we all be tied to Jakarta when there are 195 other countries that we can expand our horizons in? How absolutely strange it is to shrink the dreams of our children.
When we leave Indonesia, we are not leaving our family, we are simply using the world to better ourselves. Family will always be family, and we will always visit the people we love. But with the advent of Skype and mobile messaging applications, staying in touch have never been easier. Parents no longer have to travel on a ship across the Pacific for months on end to meet their children. They no longer have to wait for a person or pigeon to deliver messages sent weeks ago. The modern age allows people to travel and communicate with such ease that it's time to change the way we raise our kids. Perhaps back in the day, it was beneficial to let our children stay in the community, but now, a simple tap on a screen and we've booked a flight that will last for at most, 24 hours.
The world is changing, and the people in my generation have grown up with technology and a mind ready to be molded by different experiences. Many parents need to rethink the way they are controlling their children. I'm glad my parents have learned to be happy regardless of where their children are, because it's made me appreciate their contributions even more. It saddens me to think that so many painters, screenwriters, computer geniuses and footballers have dropped their passions for the sake of going home. Indonesia isn't always the best place to build a career, and if there are better options elsewhere, we need to seize it. We should grow up to be daring mavericks, stunted only by the limits of the universe, because there is nothing more painful than to have our dreams be treated as a nightmare.
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