There are several things that irk me. No toilet paper in public bathrooms is one, and loud chewing is another. Both of those two I can deal with, but what I can never seem to accept is the blatant criticisms of my flaws. Since when did it become acceptable to greet me with a crass critique of my physical attributes? How did that become interchangeable with how are you?
Let’s get to it:
I don’t take criticisms about my appearance very well, and that’s an understatement. Growing up as the awkward lanky kid, I’ve always taken negative remarks about my flaws to be a stepping stone for a better me. An innocuous quip about my hair have sent me straight to the salon for permanent fixing. A comment about my large eyes have shaped the way I pose in pictures. My self-esteem is a tranquil pond, easily rippled by the slightest touch, and I know that many others feel the same way.
There’s a reason why we accept critiques more than compliments. We have been led to believe that we are not good enough, and that feeling of self-doubt have settled into the depths of our brain, absorbing all the good said to us like fighting a bacterial infection. Although this might not be the case for all women, it certainly is for many girls, especially those who are still in the process of growing up and have yet to love themselves. The more we criticize them, even as a subtle remark, the more it becomes a belief and no longer an opinion.
That belief can manifest itself into low self-esteem, and that’s something that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Which is why I have tried to stop commenting on other people’s flaws. It started a year ago, when I realized that when other people don’t ask me about my volcanic pimple or my bad hair day, I became more satisfied with my appearance. The less negative comments people make about how I look, the better I felt throughout the day. So I tried doing the same to others. I refused to mention how terrible someone’s skin had gotten, their weight gain, their stretch marks, their love handles. I became seemingly oblivious to their flaws, no matter how prominent.
A few years ago, a friend of mine had a cyst on her face that she had tried to cover up with makeup but to no avail. It was unmissable and slightly disturbing to see, but I continued the conversation anyway, trying to avert my eyes from the pus-filled lump on her cheek. But then a friend of ours chimed in saying, ‘um, what’s that?’ You could see her face drop. She immediately covered up the cyst with her hand and muttered an, ‘I don’t know, it’s a zit.’
It was such a small comment my friend made that he could’ve just kept to himself. And it’s these small remarks that turn someone’s small imperfections into something massive. Because suddenly, our flaw mattered enough for someone else to bring up.
Once when I was crammed in an elevator full of strangers, one woman said to her chubby friend, “you shouldn’t be standing in the middle when you’re that fat.” Even though it was obviously a joke, I thought that was completely unnecessary. It wasn’t until another friend made the exact same remark to me in an elevator that I realized how normal it was to poke and prod people’s physical flaws as a conversation topic.
Perhaps people do need to grow thicker skin and learn to swat away criticism. But self-love is a difficult thing to achieve if everyone around you is constantly bringing you down. If we want people to start appreciating themselves for what they cannot change, then we need to change the way we see others. I think these untoward comments are so culturally ingrained that most people don't find this to be a fault. We receive criticism, hence, we give criticism. It's a looping cycle of negativity that can easily be fixed by just keeping our observations to ourselves.
Our obsession with perfection have made us believe that anything less than perfect skin, hair, teeth, eyes, nose, or waistline, is a failure. If we don't reach the standard of expectations set to us by the media and our peers, we are involuntarily open for criticism. But when we make those comments, who does it help? What did your comment contribute to either party? Did your comment about my weight made you feel like a better person? Did your not-so-subtle critique about my frizzy hair benefit you in any way?
So let’s all make a little promise to do something I’ve always tried to do. If that person can fix their imperfections within 5 minutes, tell them. If they have spinach stuck between their teeth or they have mascara goop on their eyelashes, bring it up. But if it’s something permanent; a scar, a twitch, a crooked tooth, or bad skin, just leave it be. Because they criticize themselves more than anyone else, and you don’t need to add to that negativity.
No comments :
Post a Comment