I thought graduating would be more eventful, and I'm not talking about the ceremony. I mean, nothing can be more eventful than walking down the Melbourne streets with thousands of other graduates. But I thought that I would feel different, like I would feel proud of my own achievements. It didn't happen though. It was as if I had barged in on the ceremony and stole some poor soul's gown and mortar board. I'm not smart enough to call myself a graduate, I thought, I have so much more to learn.
Let's get to it:
Since the first day of kindergarten, my parents had their eyes on university for me. I learned my ABCs so that I could write a 4000-word essay in my final year of higher education. What I've done for the past 20 years was all for today, and yet the fleeting moment of pride wasn't very fulfilling. Because now that I've finished the first quarter of my life and reached this milestone, it's time to begin the second quarter; to get my shit together.
Like some others, I discovered my passion when it was too late. I was in the final year, final semester to be exact, when I had my Newtonian falling apple moment. What I want to do has nothing to do with my current degree, and I was left in a state of panic. Why didn't I realize this sooner? Will I do a postgraduate? Will I just do internships as a substitute for further education? I was obsessed with this new direction in life and berated myself for not knowing sooner. The problem is that I expected too much of myself. My family had planned my life out so well that I didn't put any room for mistakes and trials, so when this road block appeared out of nowhere, I had to find a way to go around it.
Growing up in a family over overachievers I've always known that I was short of their raw intelligence. My father scored an IQ of 147 at the age of 17 and both my sisters are Golden Key members. My cousin was a guest lecturer at Harvard Business School and another just graduated from the best hospitality management school in the world. One of them even landed a job at HSBC only a few months after graduating. Instead of being inspired by all these people, especially my successful father, I found myself retreating further and further away from them every time I made a mistake. I thought that what tied the family together was our intelligence, tenacity, and luck. And I wasn't in possession of any of those three.
So when I graduated without a Golden Key like both my sisters, without any job prospects, and without a clear future, it felt like I wasn't even a part of the extended family anymore. It wasn't until I stopped comparing myself to them and placed myself amidst the other graduates that I realized how common my position is. There are so many others like me around the world, perhaps even panicking more than I am right now, and there is no reason to think less of myself because of it.
Graduating isn't about finding a job immediately after, or getting all the awards and being invited to have dinner with the Dean. I think it's just a continuation of our journey of self-discovery. Because if we rush our lives without any thought of our passion and happiness, we'll end up like the groggy adults that roam about. Getting a stable job with a good starting salary is important, of course, but we shouldn't let that be the only thing that we get out of graduating.
There is still so much more to learn, and those lessons can't be taught in a lecture room. I constantly read quotes about how graduation is only the beginning, but what is it the beginning of? I think it's different for everyone. It could be the beginning of a new life or a new country, but personally, it's just the beginning of finding out more about myself. Like Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love except I won't be able to travel because I'm unemployed and my current net worth is equivalent to that of a homeless man.
We put so much pressure at school that we forget that most of our learning comes from outside the halls of university. What I've learned in the past few years is only an iota of what I'll learn in the future. I know that I'll continue to find bits and pieces of myself scattered in offices, countries, and people, but I hope that my family will forgive my mistakes while I do that. After all, not everyone can take the exact same perfect path in life.
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