Hot Topic: The Cool Girlfriend

I was sitting by my lonesome watching a documentary about a girl who bleeds from every orifice, whilst my boyfriend was zeroing in on League of Legends beside me. Attached to his ears were headphones booming with the voice of his best friend, who overheard a remark I made about my boyfriend's blatant disregard for my existence once he has his hands around a controller or a keyboard. His friend jokingly told my boyfriend that he was 'dating the wrong Asian', since his very own girlfriend was a fellow gamer. And although I didn't really take that comment to heart, it sparked an idea. More so an interest in what it means to be a 'cool girlfriend.'

Let's get to it:

Throughout middle and high school, I had predominantly male friends. Maybe there was something about me that reminded them of the boyish charm that they're so accustomed to. It was probably my flat chest and my lack of self-grooming. So I spent most of my time being surrounded by screams at the TV when someone scores a goal in FIFA, the sound of shooting guns in Call of Duty, or 90's music in Rock Band. I was taught how to do a chip shot to beat the goalie and how to navigate through portals. I learned how to shoot at comically adorable worms, hijack cars in San Andreas and fight Bo' Rai Cho. I wasn't a gamer, but I played games, just like most people.

Every so often my friends would learn that a female classmate played a certain game or was an avid gamer. No matter how conventionally unattractive these girls were, my friends would always say how 'hot' she'd become. "Why can't you be a gamer?" a friend told me with a controller in hand. "Girl gamers are hot." That same friend extended that remark by explaining that his ideal girl would enjoy all the same things he did.

Now I don't have a problem with liking someone based on similar interests, but the problem isn't just wanting a girl who plays video games, the problem is wanting a girl who is exactly like them.

Boys want girls who they enjoy hanging out with on top of all the obligatory romantic bullshit that comes along with relationships. But more than that, boys want a girl who gets along with their friends. The problem is that the girl has to be cool in a way that transcends his friends, his family, and colleagues. The cool girlfriend is different for everyone, but they exist nonetheless. The issue is that every girlfriend will begin to notice what their significant other wants in a girlfriend, and some will consciously try to emulate that dream girl, either through the partner's persistence or of her own volition.

If the boyfriend wants a girl who is low maintenance, than the girl will spend less time on her hair or makeup even though she usually takes pride in her appearance. If the boyfriend wants a girl who is well-versed in the Lord of the Rings series than she will dedicate time to immerse herself in the film trilogy. If the boyfriend likes a girl who lifts, than she will buy a pair of lululemon pants and sign up for a gym membership. And the problem isn't about tailoring yourself to his hobbies, it's more about striving to become a simulacrum of the cool girlfriend.

I understand that this isn't always the case, but I know some girls who try their best to become, not be. So they end up constantly trying to fill the gaping hole between her and the cool girlfriend, never realizing that the cool girlfriend is an illusion made by boys who want to fuck without much ado. 

The cool girlfriend is all about being almost exactly like the boyfriend's best man. It's about sharing the same interests, laughing at the same jokes, watching the same shows, and listening to the same music. The cool girlfriend is the boyfriend's best man without the penis and the rancid farts. She is funny and intelligent and all other traits that look good in a resume. But most importantly, she is emotionally stable unlike 'most girls'. Because the cool girlfriend is all about pleasing her man and at the same time is content with doing so. And although these boys care about their girlfriends, there is a limit to how much shit they are willing to accept. That's why the cool girlfriend has to be naturally ignorant. Naturally insensitive. Naturally strong. She takes whatever her partner gives and swallows it up without a peep. 

Because these boys don't want to walk in on their girlfriends crying at 3AM clutching a bottle of aspirin and a razor in the other. No, that is too complicated. God forbid the she has more than one facet in her personality. She can't have obvious flaws, because he did not sign up for a girlfriend, he signed up for a cool one, and a cool girlfriend let's water roll off her back.

Boys who want these cool girlfriends are easy to spot, and when you do, run. Because boys who strive to look for these girls are the ones who care the least about their girlfriend's emotional well-being. If a boy's aim when dating is to find a girl that ticks off a checklist that is almost identical to one that describes his best mates, then that boy isn't looking for a girlfriend. That boy is looking for a cool girlfriend to fuck, show off, and waste time with. There will be no appreciation or loyalty. That type of boy wants an idea, not a person, and we should always be aware of people like that.

And to those who endeavor to become the cool girlfriend, stop what you're doing. Striving for the betterment of your flaws is a good thing, but you shouldn't change a part of you—your interests, your music, or your diet—for someone to be proud of you. Your partner should want to bring you around to every corner of the world without having to prove to anyone that you deserve to be with him. You are clay that should be molded to your liking, not what immature boyfriends want you to be.

And you are definitely better than anyone's version of the cool girlfriend.