Hot Topic: Be Kind And Be Quiet About It

Kindness is underrated. Flaunting kindness is overrated. I have seen so many Instagram posts of people spending time with the poor, smiling proudly as they hand over a bag of food to a miserable looking woman who probably won’t even see the picture on social media. When people do good and then photograph that good, it makes me wonder whether their kindness has an ulterior motive.

Let’s get to it:

My boyfriend told me that a person is truly good when they do acts of kindness when no one is looking. When they get no applause out of it, but only the satisfaction that they have helped out someone in need. But somehow with social media, people have integrated social work with their public image, and to me, it just completely negates one’s kindness and makes it much more synthetic. 

When my friend and I didn’t have any spare change to give to a beggar on the streets of Melbourne, I suggested we buy him food from a nearby Burger King instead. We gave him a burger, fries, and an ice cream. But during which my friend had her phone out, Snapchatting the ordeal and writing ‘buying food for the homeless’. I told her that when you do something good, do it in secret. The world doesn’t need to know how much good you do. The purpose of kindness isn’t to flatter yourself. And even if it really was an innocuous Snapchat, I see so many people documenting the good they do in such a superficial manner; lining up the impoverished for the sake of their Instagram feed. 

Blessed, they’d write on their Facebook post. An image of them with their arms wrapped around schoolchildren. Kids who would never see them again. Kids who received ephemeral entertainment. Kids who couldn’t care less about whether or not they looked good in that picture. 

There are so many instances of people doing such great acts of kindness, but due to the sappy pictures of the occasion, it renders the moments to be spurious. They may have a heart of gold, and god forbid they stop bringing happiness to the less fortunate, but it’s that extra touch of vanity that irks me. What is the purpose of posting an image of you handing over a bag of rice to a mother of two? That mother will be ever so grateful, so shouldn’t her appreciation be the only thing you strive for and not the likes online?

I don’t need to know that you spend your Fridays assisting the blind. I should find that out for myself, either through you personally or through the people you have touched. Humility can go far, and kindness hits harder when you’re not the one promoting it yourself. 

However, recruiting people to join your cause is a different story, because you broadcast your good for the sake of getting more people to join. There's a difference between truly being a part of a movement and then supporting said movement, as opposed to simply posting random bouts of kindness online for the sake of your public image. 

I recently watched a video of a struggling pizza man who received over $700 worth of tips after delivering to a church. He was moved to tears and documented his experience once back in his car. It was an act of kindness that I truly admired, until I saw that the church had taken a picture of the transaction and posted it on their Facebook page. It was such a heartwarming gesture that was made to look more like a proselytizing publicity stunt. Why couldn’t the church do good to a human being without showing the world how good they are? Why is proving kindness such a necessity to people?

In my family, the good runs quiet. I once asked my father why he only gave $10 to the church every Sunday. And he replied, “how do you know I don’t give more?” When I asked my sister what she did during the weekend, she told me she spent it driving around the more destitute parts of Jakarta, giving boxed lunches to the people in need. There was no Facebook post, no Instagram picture, no text message. She did what she did because it was right. The only ones who will remember her kindness are the people that received it from her. When my parents warned my other sister about the dangers of accepting guests into her apartment via Airbnb, she told me that she once accepted two Swedish backpackers into her home for free. The only people who appreciated her random act of kindness were the very ones she opened her heart to, and no one else. 

My family enjoys doing bouts of kindness. My father spends a lot of his time at an orphanage for the disabled, and I suppose his humility taught me that your generosity should be kept between yourself and the hearts you have touched. 

I don’t want to discourage people from doing good. Continue visiting the orphans, feeding the poor, volunteering for the ill. But promoting your kindness is an unnecessary step that flatters your ego and not the people you have helped. A friend’s husband recently came back from Greece after documenting the hardship of the Syrian refugees. His pictures told stories of the people he helped, but not of his own bravery in traversing Lesvos on his own. And that's what I admire; when we talk about the great people we have met as opposed to how great we are to have helped them out. 

Which is why I have always been bitter whenever people criticized Steve Jobs for not being as philanthropic as Bill Gates. Should we assume that he never made a generous donation in his lifetime? Should every act of kindness be published for the philanthropist to be lauded? I find myself respecting celebrities who visit hospitals without their media team, and having the world find out about their charity through the eyes (and camera) of the kids they visited. 

I suppose this is because I often put myself the in shoes of others. If I was a beggar, would I like to have my picture taken by a wealthy stranger as they hand me a box of food? Or would I appreciate their kindness more if they simply handed me the meal, said a few kind words, and left? These people aren’t tools to benefit your image. These are real human beings, not a posse to endorse your sainthood. They know sincerity when they see one, and the moment a camera is out, that kindness becomes more of a self-promoting stunt. 

Genuine kindness is very much alive. I know so many friends and family who are willing to do so much good for so many people. But I will always respect the ones who do it in secret, because when I find out, I will admire them much greater than if I saw a picture of them on social media. You are who you are when no one is looking, and your sincere kindness will go a long way when you decide that not everyone else needs to see the good you are giving to the world.