The much awaited film adaptation of the bestselling erotic novel is now open for public viewing...on Valentine's day. Such great marketing. The opening weekend was filled with horny women and their reluctant partners. I have read a few chapters of the book but refused to continue because it was the worst written work I have ever had the misfortune of reading. I had to wash my eyes by reading some classic literature just to gain my brain cells back. I think 50 Shades of Grey is only popular amongst vapid housewives whose never even touched a well-written novel in their lives and think Hemingway is the name of a street in their suburb. There is no reason for this novel to sell millions of copies when it has the literary brilliance of a pumpkin spice latte. I know this isn't a book review, but I would give the book a 0.1 out of 10. That single point was awarded because I read the online PDF for free, and I'm thankful I didn't have to purchase that god-awful piece of work.
Let's get to it:
Spoiler Alert.
Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) is given the task of interviewing young business magnate Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) for her university paper before her graduation ceremony. During the interview, Christian finds himself irrevocably attracted to the plain Ana, and ends up pursuing her romantically. However, he seems emotionally detached and reveals that he forms relationships only to satiate his sadist desires. Ana accepts his invitation to stay in his mansion to be his submissive, and they both embark on a sexual exploration in Christian's Red Room. When Ana wants something more emotional, Christian rejects her, and they separate.
I bet you've never seen me write a review summary that short, eh? Because there is nothing to write about. That film has no substance to it and is the filmic equivalent to clickbait. Writing a review about this is like trying to clean your room. Where do you start?
Director Sam Taylor-Johnson did a fantastic job in making the sex scenes very tasteful. I'm not very familiar with her work, but apparently she was vying for the role amongst more well-established directors such as Gus Van Sant (Good Will Hunting) and Joe Wright (Atonement, Pride & Prejudice, Anna Karenina) and even first-time director Angeline Jolie. I think Wright would be the best option considering his work has always been top notch. But I was genuinely impressed with Taylor-Johnson's work. It wasn't perfect, but the fact that I didn't notice every cut and every shot means that she did well enough to divert my attention away from the technical aspects of the film. The color grey was a big part of cinematography, and I loved how they incorporated the color in every aspect of the film to contrast how much life the Red Room brings to the screen. However, during one of the much longer sex scene, she overused the slow-mo to the point of hilarity. Rookie mistake.
Let's talk about the characters; Ana is another Bella Swan, and Christian is another Edward Cullen. Since 50 Shades of Grey was written as a Twilight fan fiction, the similarities between the characters are endless. Dakota Johnson is the definition of a Plain Jane. If she rocked up to my uni class, I wouldn't look twice at her. But I suppose she's meant to look like a nobody to juxtapose the beauty of Christian Grey. Jamie Dornan looks like a great fit for the part, although Matt Bomer would be an even better one. Both actors didn't shine for me. They were just that; actors. They didn't embody the characters and their chemistry wasn't too convincing. But there probably wasn't much to bring to life considering the book's descriptions of the characters were elementary at best.
Now, the script was probably the worst part of the film. I mean, the book was a disaster already, but I thought that at least the screenplay would be substantially better. Not only were they all cringe-worthy, they simply weren't realistic. "Are you going to make love to me now?" the virgin Ana says awkwardly, fully clothed in the dining room. I wanted to scream. But see, I can't really blame the actors, because not even the great Christoph Waltz or Meryl Streep could make those lines sound believable.
The plot itself cannot be criticized because then it would be a book review, and I would have a stroke trying to pick apart every flaw in E. L. James' work. But to make it short, the plot is basically Twilight sans vampires and wolves. It's very unoriginal and uses the overused trope of the awkward girl dating the handsome man who's never been in a relationship before, thus making the awkward girl...special.
As for the BDSM aspect of it, I wouldn't know since I have never engaged in such activities. However, I would recommend you read reviews about the physical violence and abuse by Christian Grey towards Ana. Ultimately, Christian's obsession with Ana would have been reported to the police if he wasn't so handsome and wealthy. If an obese man with greasy hair and Doritos-encrusted fingernails did half the things Christian did, he would have been filed with a restraining order. It surprises me to think that many women, especially young girls, romanticize the abusive relationship between the two. A friend suggested that if you want to watch a film about a healthy BDSM relationship, look up Secretary. I suppose any film is better than this, really.
Although there is a lot of nudity—that includes boobs and glimpses of a vagina—the male counterpart only had to show off his butt. Not an equal share of nudity there, but apparently in Hollywood the male penis is much more sacred than the vagina. The sex scenes were done well, but aside from that, there's not much to see in this film. I suggest you illegally torrent this movie, because you shouldn't pay any money to see poorly-delivered cringe-worthy lines for two hours. I give it a 3/10.
No comments :
Post a Comment